The “Timber Tenderloin”






  1. The “Timber Tenderloin”
  2. Ingredients:
  3. – 1 large filet mignon
  4. – 1 cup of finely ground bark
  5. – ½ cup of freshly picked grass
  6. – 10 nails, sterilized and pounded flat
  7. Directions:
  8. 1. Preheat your oven to 450°F.
  9. 2. Coat the filet mignon in the finely ground bark, pressing it into the meat until fully coated.
  10. 3. Cover one side of the filet with freshly picked grass.
  11. 4. Carefully place the nails along the edge of that same side, so they’re sticking out like quills on a porcupine.
  12. 5. Place on a baking sheet and bake for about 12 minutes or until desired doneness is achieved.
  13. Serve with a side of mashed potatoes and roasted root vegetables for a rustic yet refined dining experience.
  14. Note: Please do not actually eat this dish as it contains harmful ingredients!